so yeah

For a number of reasons, life sucks. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. Day in and day out, I sit at the same desks, talking to the same people, learning the same material kids my senior have learned. And each day, as I get home from the same repetitive routine, I sit at my computer to face the same people I saw mere hours earlier, and then some. Every day, I don't really learn something "new". I don't experience something "fresh". Everything has been done before, seen before, lived before. So what is my purpose doing here? I'm pretty much just filling space, wasting time, aren't I? Problems just keep popping up, one after another. Friends are drifting away, no matter how hard I hold on. Perhaps that's just it- maybe I hold on a bit too much. A bit too hard, and that scares them. Some friendships are worth it, I tell myself. But in the end, is it really? Are they all really worth it? Is anything worth it anymore?

oh my god

I'm really bored, LOL. Like, I'm really bored. It's so sad. I really should be doing my homework; but seriously, who does homework at home? It's because of this train of thought that I'll probably be screwed for next year. Oh well, who cares. LOL.

This is my first entry of 2009. Weird. LOL.

I'm so stressed right now. Srsly, Asian girls are so freaking annoying. I just need ONE STRAIGHT UP ANSWER to if you're going to do the Multicultural show with the sensASIANS or not! None of this pondering shit- that drives me insane. Nobody gets that we have to make the formations, time each girl, learn the choreo, and all that stuff. My gawd, I'm going to shoot myself.

sigh

I had really, really, really wanted to post on Seungri's birthday- which was yesterday. But I didn't... because one) I had to go get my hair cut =_= and two) I was too tired afterwards.

But I guess the day after is okay. =)
I'll just pretend it's Seungri's birthday... for the third time in a row.



Happy birthday, Seungri. Hope you're super happy to know that on those two (?) days of your birthday, I couldn't stop thinking about you. You're eighteen now; finally legal in the States. I've always liked Big Bang- since I heard Lies back in eighth grade. But just this summer, you've sucked me into hardcore Big Bang fandom. And I thank you. I've never been happier, I've never made so many new friends (all through Big Bang) and believe it or not, you've helped me through serious emo times, hahah. You deserve the best birthday ever; for an eighteen year old, you've accomplished more than people in their middle ages have. You've got your future planned out for you- but I think that you should still take a step back and just be a kid. You're still young. ^_^ You'll always be my favorite maknae~ I hope you and Big Bang will always stay a group, because I will always stay a VIP. Take a nice, long rest next year in the States and keep working hard. Don't fall sick either, because you'll make me extremely sad. Always stay happy and healthy, for all of your birthdays to come. Seungri, Victory, VI, hwaiting!

My little message to Seungri. I'm not sure what else I could say without seeming like I'm lecturing him. But yeah, that video tribute? It's the sweetest thing I've ever seen. The song makes me a little sad inside though... heh. But yeah, I hope Seungri had the best birthday ever. He's finally a man. =)

life stinks

So finally, I get to see my cousins. After an entire week of plans falling through, finally, I see them. And also, I get to see my other cousins as a bonus! But you know what really sucks though?

It was a fucking ten minute reunion.

You can't rebuild a relationship you lost in ten minutes. That's just insane. I wish I could have more time with them. God, I wish I could drive. My parents are so annoying! They wouldn't let me stay and hang out with them. I want to talk to them, to get into that comfort zone of letting everything out. We used to be close--Dallas kids, Lewisville kids, Colorado kids--but now, we're all so drifted from each other. Some of our group is already in the college while the others are getting ready for it. Heck, even I'm getting ready for it. Who knows when we'll see them next? No, we don't know. It could be three years from now. It could be longer. But Christ, its been like, ten years since all of us had gathered around. And yet, I was only able to spend ten minutes.

But I'll always worship those ten minutes as the best ten minutes of my life.

I didn't even get anything for black friday. Apparently, it didn't affect me. My sister bought so much, whereas I got nothing. I was the only one that left the mall empty-handed. Whatever. I don't care.

I can't wait until I can drive.

It's only two more years and then I'm so out of here. I'm ready to be by myself; be the boss of myself. I'm sick of other people (my parents) making decisions for me. My dad kept talking about college today, but everytime he mentions it, he keeps hinting that he wants me to stay in Texas. Why would I do that when I'm going to put myself through IB? Why not go the full mile? Why not shoot for an international school, or an Ivy League school? God, if he wanted me to stay home so bad, he should stop trying to tell me to do better so I can get into a really good college.

Because Stanford compared to A&M, I'm sure Stanford would win.

Whatever, I'm tired right now. Its 1 in the morning. I have a KD workshop that I'm really not wanting to go to tomorrow. The Oklahomians are coming- not looking forward to that. I just want to see my best friends tomorrow. That's the only thing keeping me going.

But to be honest, I'm not really wanting to see them either. But it's better than being with the Oklahomians. I guess I should sleep. And drown myself in Seungri.

That's the only way I'll feel better.

happy birthday prissy!

Ah, she's turning the big 1-7. That's pretty old. She makes me feel really young. But I hope she had a really great day, because she most definitely deserves it! ^___^;

Today was okay. Mrs. Desai went ballistic on us though. I think she's super stressed or something, haha. I could still hear her voice ringing in my head after sixth period. Blah, I'm really bored. I really don't want to write the Med Sci paper because to be honest? I don't give a f-ck about Obama or McCain. The way I see it- we're all so screwed. But whatever floats the United States' boats, keke. McCain will probably drop dead before getting into office... say hello to President Palin!

On a more shallow note, BIG BANG'S NEW KOREAN ALBUM IS COMING OUT SOON!!!! November 7th is the Korean release... November 11th is the Global release... keke, I guilt tripped Prissy into getting it for me. But I'll pay her back. It's most definitely worth every dollar. It comes with a stickerbook and a bookmark. Do you REALIZE what I can do with a Big Bang bookmark? The possiblities are endless! Endless, I say, endless! I really should be reading Monte Cristo. But I seriously cannot stop listening to this song...



It made me cry, I'm not going to lie. It really did. I sat there, listening (not watching 'cause fancams make me dizzy) and I just... yeah. Burst out into tears. His voice.. and the emotions he puts into the song... it's so touching. Sigh. I really like the sound of his voice. It's so... soothing. I can't wait for his solo! He has a new one on the album. "LET'S GO WEST!" Kyah. Big Bang really makes me smile. :)

Okay, I really need to go and do some kind of homework. I plan to get that stupid Medical Science paper done by tonight. Or else I'll shoot myself.

i really don't want to do homework

Yeah, once again, I have wasted another afternoon. Goodness, I really should stop all this procrastination. It's only going to screw me over in the future. I really should be doing my Lord of the Flies and Julius Caesar discussion questions, but once again, the thought of Bird has scared me sh-tless and creating anything worth turning in.

So, instead of doing that, I updated the HOSA blog.

It's quite interesting, actually. Better than doing homework. I'm really tired right now, and I really need to get some sleep. But I can't; not until I get these questions done. I wish Chandler had picked an easier blog site to use... like blogspot, for example. I wanted to put a pretty layout on it! I made one too, with a warrior and Nurse Seungri with a syringe and everything. It was uber cute. I deleted though; I srsly found no use for it.

Anyways, I'm super tired. I really, really need to stop wasting time on the computer.

and once again

Goodness, I really should stop making new blogs. So I've given up on Livejournal, I guess. I mean, I'll update every now and then. But eh. No thank you. It's way too confusing for me. The only good thing is the G-Ri community on Livejournal, LOL! So Blogspot is the way to go for me (only because Priscilla recommended it). Anyways, I really should be doing my Spanish homework right now. What's up with teachers and piling homework on Wednesdays? I hate Wednesdays. You know, I couldn't figure out how to spell Wednesday for like, the longest time. Sigh. I have to translate this story for Spanish, and then I have to do this activity for Algebra 2, and then I have a Chem project due Friday along with this Chem worksheet thing. Am I missing anything? Oh yeah, I think I have to edit my Julius Caesar essay, which took me like, the longest time to write. I think it's because I'm like, scared sh-tless of Mrs. Bird. I'm not even joking. That woman scares me, although she's kinda cool. Haha. And then the whole WHAP project-- meh, I'm really bad at taking notes. I write like, everything down. And you're not supposed to do that. Ha. So this year I haven't really joined any clubs. I wanna do LASER, but I don't want to join by myself, blah! I don't want to do Sci Fair by myself either. But I've joined HOSA, which is totally rad. I love the medical field. Um, and I'm trying to get inducted into NHS. Doubt that's going to happen. My application is so empty, it's depressing. I guess I should go look up my old piano awards. Not that I win many. I win really lame ones, actually. I kind of want to start up piano, but I really hate the thought of not being good anymore. Aren't I stupid? Sigh. Also, I want to join the Multicultural club. I want to perform "Haru Haru"! That'll be totally sweet. Too bad nobody wants to do it with me. I'm actually listening to Big Bang now (when am I not?). I kind of wish I was Korean so I can watch their unsubbed videos, LOL. I really should go do my homework. Meh.